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I have always been watching the fascinating and impressive funerals of eminent Christians. When I had watched the super funerals of MJ and Ted Kennedy, I thought it was the ' way to go '. The ceremonies looked so dignified and appealing.
A funeral is planned well in advance, of course after the event of death, and the time and place of the funeral is given wide publicity. The entire proceedings are planned meticulously almost in a military fashion. First, the undertakers take over the body, preserve, and give it a thorough make over to make it look better than what it was before. They spare no expenses for eyeliners, mascara, lipstick and other cosmetics. Finally, they dress up the body in the best clothes and shining patent leather shoes. It is not hyperbole to say that most ofthe deceased look better dead than when they were alive.
The ornate coffin made of the finest materials gleams with sheen of its own. The finer ones have intricate carvings and decorations on the lid with provision for hanging and placing numerous wreaths, which come in different styles, sizes and shapes.
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Placed in a central space before the pews in a church, the coffin presents a picture of serenity and commands everyone's attention and respect. The mourners as well dressed in black of course, and look as smart as the wedding guests. The ladies wear a mesh-like veil with their hats and sit quietly (for a change) in the pews lending an air of grandeur to the proceedings. Every mourner, before taking his/her seat goes up to the coffin, places a wreath or a flower and standssilently for a minute or two to silent prayer/muttering curse for the deceased. Personnel of the Armed Forces click their heels, lay a wreath on the coffin, salute smartly, turn around and take their respective seats. The coffin gets submerged under colorful flowers and wreaths. The famous the deceased, the more are the floral tributes.
The memorial service starts on schedule. First, the priest and then some of his close relatives, friends and admirers speak many marvelous things about the deceased. Some wax eloquently on his virtues and some render paeans of praise. All of them leave no doubt that the world would be poorer and never the same again without the dead soul. Some speeches sound so compelling that they tempt the departed person to get up and continue from whereHe/she left off.
The pallbearers also dress up to the nines and carry the coffin as if it is a treasure chest. The father plays his role and gives a fitting farewell to the departed soul. The deceased gets buried and rides into oblivion in style.
My Funeral
The fascinating part starts after the funeral when the mourners exchange notes about their association with the dead soul over drinks that include bubbly and snacks. The mourners drown their sorrow in a pint or two and relish the snacks.
What is relevant is, given half a chance, I would like to make my last passage to heaven in the same style. I am positive I am going to be received with a guard of honour of topless celestial beauties at the pearly gates, and I want to be suitably dressed for the occasion. I've always been adandy and an epicure and don't see any reason as to why I should change just for that occasion. I've provided specific instructions in my will: to dress me in an Armani suit, Pierre Cardin shirt, YSL tie, gold watch, Gucci shoes, and a silk handkerchief in my jacket pocket, to keep a hip flask filled with Royal Salute and a box of cigars next to my body, and to spray it with the state of the art body sprays that attract females. I want the heavenly beauties to come in droves, drool over and fight amongst themselves for exclusive rights over me. After seeing recent delays at airports for various reasons such as volcanic ash, I've added a new clause to keep a case of finest scotch next to me. The voyage to heaven may involve a long wait for god knows how long.
I can imagine theresponses of all my friends in the real world. Many ladies, I am sure, will come with their cameras, capture the events for posterity, pat the coffin, blow a kiss and wish me a lovely afterlife.
I am, however, not certain what my friends in the virtual world will say about me. I am dying to hear what they say. Since I've planned everything to the minutest detail, I shall be grateful if they fill the gaps and complete picture of the proceedings. What use are obituary speeches if the subject cannot hear them?
I, therefore, appeal to all my friends in the real and virtual worlds, to make their farewell speeches now as I may not be able to hear them later.
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*** Product Information and Prices Stored: Apr 04, 2012 23:39:19 ***
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